cruel crazy beautiful world

been really busy with the nus choir auditions. wed, thurs and fri were the auditions. i decided to skip friday night cos i couldn't take it anymore. it's times like this when i admire people like joseph and paulus for their boundless energy and friendliness. my stock of friendliness kinda ran out on wed night. anyway, had some interesting characters come for audition. memoriable ones was that poor girl that fell asleep waiting for her turn, that totally pompous and hao lian shanghai tenor guy, that boy-boy guy that started playing with a yo-yo. lol. ask me if you wanna know more cos i don't want them to find out if i bad mouth them (esp the china guy). the first day was really chaotic. i forgot to number the first few audition sheets so the first 12 people were totally messed up and had to rely on memory to determine who came first. the system was a bit sucky cos we had auditions downstairs while the holding area was the lobby upstairs. apparently a few people got lost looking for the auditions. 45 people on the first day. second day was marginally better, we knew what to expect. except that for some reason, harmonica ensemble was using our practice rooms. so, we had the auditions proper in the dance studio (downstairs again) and then the interviews in the conference area just off the lobby. so that was slightly messy especially at the end when they decided to speed things up a bit by doing the interviews first before the auditions (vice versa before). almost 50 people the second night. wind ensemble had their welcome tea/dinner, and they had food left over so choir ate it up. nice food btw. they got good value for their money. didn't go for the 3rd day auditions so can't comment too much. heard there was 60 people. wow. a bit paiseh part, on day2, this guy ferdinand came to me and said that he'll be coming tmr but late. and i told him, don't worry, just come down, and gave him my number to tell me if he changed his mind. i completely forgot that i was planning to not go for day3. so, anyway, fri night, he called me and informed me that he was on his way and bringing a friend along. omg. so embarrassing sia. i feel like i kinda let him down. kinda like, you assured me that the thing is still on and put yourself as point of contact, and yet you don't show up?! i think he got into choir anyway so i'll apologise if i run into him tmr. about 75 people got in. joy, harris and melissa(i think) got in. yay!

anyway, as part of our recruitment, we had booths all over the school. my shift on wed at the engine fac was really interesting. erm...we didn't exactly do anything as proactive as we had been on the first day. ;D but it was interesting nevertheless. at the booth next to us, there was this gimmick thing to fold paper cranes. it's from the nus breakers, 'training' to break a record of largest number of paper cranes folded (this coming tuesday). so anyway, there was this guy that was carrying a loudspeaker and urging people to fold paper cranes, cos apparently they were using charity, for every paper crane folded, song he will donate a bowl of rice to the red cross. so the guy was like, "my brothers and sisters of nus! come and do a good deed today! don't turn your backs on these needy people!" he went on and on and on and on practically non stop for 2 hours. oh. my. god. i have NEVER seen something like that before. but later on, he got a bit overboard when he said, "if you understand what i'm saying, then i don't understand why you are walking away from me." i'll remember that guy forever i tell you. he should be a politician. or the guy that gives political rally speeches. my partner at the booth was saying that he's probably a political science major. haha! and yes, i did my bit for charity and folded his darn paper cranes.

outside of school note. something interesting i did over the weekend...for all you who don't know (which is probably everybody), one of the clay fan boards that i frequent is the WMS board. and they've got a very interesting concept there about clay and clones. the concept is that there are clones of clay running around doing appearances for him, which explains why he looks slightly different in every appearance. so anyway, this part of the board generally deals with fiction and story writing. and well...i wrote something over the holidays. haha. and i posted it up this weekend. feels proud. first time i did something like that. so, click HERE if you wanna see it. if you don't, it's perfectly ok. it's a crazy thing i'm doing anyway. welcome to the insanity, as they say.

i realised that i never really addressed the issue of the SEP. well, i was rejected. and yes, i am very very disappointed. i wrote before that maybe it's because of money issues. probably that's why. i mean, i meet the minimum grade criteria. ok, i scrape through. they want a CAP of 3 and i got 3.2. i guess this is one thing that i can't really just ignore. i mean, it affects me in a way that i didn't expect it to. i guess i was hoping way too much that i would get it, and when i didn't... my friend got in. she's going to UNC-CH. that's the school that i was secretly really really hoping to get into. i didn't put it as first choice cos US is a bit expensive for me. we both put that as our 3rd choice. she got it. i didn't. and i'm pretty sad about it. i saw her entry some time back on how she's finally gotten through the paperwork and she's getting ready to go. i feel like crying when i think about it. i tell myself that it's stupid thing to cry over. it's just SEP. i can always try again next time. but i don't know. i'm doing a 3 year course. yr3 sem1 will be my last chance. i don't want to go overseas as a post-grad student. i wanna go now, and i wanna go with friends that i'm close to. i know it sounds whiny. i don't want to spend the next semester hoping and hoping, then applying and hoping again, only to be rejected a second time.

i'm never gonna get round to that scolding i owe them. today was a milestone in Jubilate history. (i still haven't gotten used to the new name yet) today was LC's second anniversary. it was also the last day of LC. at the gathering just now, it was announced that LC would be closing. i know dawn told me the news ages ago. and i still haven't figured out what this would mean for choir. people will be leaving definitely. things are gonna get very disrupted. so sorry to tian that she had to join at such a time. for me, i want to continue the choir. i think, if only for the sake of functionality, the choir still has to go on. but i don't know what to do, where to go from here. LC was an important factor in the existence of the choir. just tonight, 5 members have already declared that they're leaving. 5 outgoing to 1 incoming is just not enough to sustain ourselves. at least, if the church gets pulled down and we forced to scatter, it's a good excuse for us to suddenly drop numbers. in a way, it feels a bit paiseh. just today, khoo did promotion for our choir. he says he wants to build the choir until it becomes 50 strong. imagine what it'll be like when the very next week the numbers drop to a single digit number. i don't know. it's simple for me, i'm in it for the music. but others...how can i motivate them enough to stay? i don't have a personality like dawn. i'm not outgoing like nick. it's one thing to say that choir will continue and that i will not let the choir collapse under my leadership, and quite another thing to actually do it.



mood: tired, confused
listening to: silence